March 6 is a special day for Nicole Avant, because she and her late mother, Jacqueline Avant, share the same birthday.
This year, Nicole Avant spent the occasion working. The former US Ambassador, film producer, activist, and best-selling author of I Think You’ll Be Happy sat down for an intimate conversation about mother-daughter relationships as part of the International Women’s Day Women of Vision Summit.
Her friend, Oscar winner Gwyneth Paltrow, was waiting backstage in the ballroom at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel when Avant floated into the private space before their fireside chat.
As the two women hugged, Paltrow softly sang “Happy Birthday to You,” and Avant began crying happy tears. She had been feeling emotional all morning and started her day by turning on her 1976 playlist to find “Love Is Alive.”
Why? Her mother would play this song when she picked her up from school, and little Nicole would sing along. There was only one problem. She thought the words were “Love is a lie” which made her mother break down.
So, on her third birthday without her birthday twin physically present — 81-year-old Jacqueline was fatally shot during a home invasion in December 2021 — Nicole posted a collection of old photos of her mother on Instagram and captioned the post with, “Love is alive.”
In a short interview with diverse Before she and Paltrow took to the stage, Avant explained why the event felt like a “tribute” to her mother’s memory.
“Jackie could have done something like that today,” Avant said. “What better way to celebrate than with a room full of women who want to give back to people, children and women all over the world who need our services, whoever they are?”
She enlisted Paltrow to interview her at the summit because she called the Oscar winner for advice while writing her memoir — especially the chapter about her mother and their relationship.
“I said, ‘Would it be too much if I said that part about my mom taking responsibility for hurting my feelings?’ “Would it be too much if I made fun of her — because I don’t make fun of her, but I love how weird she was at our last Thanksgiving,” Avant recalls. “No, of course not,” Gwyneth said. Because you don’t make fun of it; You make her human. You don’t put her on a pedestal.
So Avant decided to do just that, writing a chapter that reveals the human side of her late mother, including a moment from what would be their last birthday lunch together in 2021. During that meal, Jacqueline Avant apologized for the ways she had hurt her daughter’s feelings with her strict behavior.
“In relationships, there are so many things that go unsaid and unaddressed, and the greatest blessing I had was having lunch on my last birthday with my mom,” Avant said. “That was the change maker for me. Then that year passed, but she gave me that. So there are no regrets between us.”
Avant has always believed in the power of storytelling, which is why she has produced films like The Black Godfather, a documentary about the life and legacy of her late father, Clarence Avant; “Trees of Peace” about the Rwandan genocide; Or the upcoming “Six Triple Eight,” which stars alongside Tyler Perry and Kerry Washington to highlight the Black Women’s Battalion that had a major impact in World War II. But there is also power in telling our personal stories.
In fact, while filming The Black Godfather, she truly learned to appreciate her mother’s role in her father’s success.
“That’s when I started to understand the power of women and respect my mom more,” Avant told Paltrow. “I thought, ‘Wait a minute. Everyone paints my father as this big character and he did all these great things – which he did and I would never take anything away from him – but there’s no way Clarence Avant would have moved across this earth the way he did and accomplished what he did without Queen Jacqueline walking the walk. beside him.
Avant laughed knowingly when Paltrow asked her to discuss her parents’ unique marriage: “Jackie and Clarence were not boring. That’s for sure. I really like to say to people, ‘Imagine Queen Cleopatra and Archie Bunker together, moving through life.’
The 25-minute candid conversation continued in this vein, mixing lighthearted moments with deep introspection and vulnerability. “What lessons have you learned between last March 6 and this (one)?” Paltrow asked at one point.
“What a difference a year makes. I haven’t finished the final book. My father was alive,” Avant replied. (Clarence Avant died in August 2023). Time and really learning how to navigate life without her. So this is a great birthday for me, I wake up today knowing: I know my mom is happy today. And I really feel for her today.
Paltrow credited her friend with how “strong” she has been over the past 12 months. “Therapists say there’s a little T and there’s a big T, but we’re all experiencing some kind of trauma,” she said. “Will you help us understand what your practice was about (that), and how you overcame the trauma? How come you don’t have PTSD today? Or do you?”
“I think I have a little bit, but it doesn’t control me,” Avant admitted, explaining how hard it was to lose her parents in short succession and in a vastly different way. “I said to someone the other day, my heart has been in repair for a few years now. And guess what, it might be in repair forever, I don’t know. But I decided to go through life with my heart as it is, and my role was to not let the trauma get to me.” Take me completely to where I was strangled.
She then shared her mantra — a quote from her father, who used to say, “What would you do with your hand?”, meaning how you would spend your time in the world.
“I choose to just focus on the things I love about my mom — listening to the music she loves and doing what she loves, and then I feel more connected to her. And then I feel like I have a greater purpose moving forward in my life.
As Paltrow finished the conversation, their friend Sarah Foster walked on stage carrying a giant purple paper cake, leading the 500-strong crowd in another song called “Happy Birthday.” But Visionary Women had another surprise in store — a $10,000 donation to the Jacqueline Avant Center for Children and Family.
Nicole Avant officially dedicated the center at the MLK Medical Campus in the Watts-Willowbrook community last year in honor of her mother’s lifelong dedication to helping the underserved and underrepresented. The three-story, 5,000-square-foot facility uses programs that address the needs of at-risk children suffering from trauma, health and mental health issues.
Well, that wasn’t all.
Avant stuck around to present Sharon Stone, another friend, with the organization’s Changemaker Award. Stone began her speech by reflecting on the innate strength of women and the “common language” that comes from shared experiences — and then turned the tables on her host.
“Your mother, Jackie Avant, was good at this language,” Stone said, turning to Nicole, who stood a few feet behind her and looked at her, visibly impressed. “That is why I am giving the money I received today to the Jacqueline Avant Center for Children and Family.”
Stone shared that she had the honor of attending Barack Obama’s inauguration as a guest of the Avant family, and sitting at that table with Jacqueline left a lasting impact.
“Every time she talked to you, it was like pearls were falling from her mouth,” Stone said of the late Avant, praising the philanthropist for her focus on helping at-risk youth in particular. “I’m a single mother of three adopted children, and each child has their own set of problems. … Nothing is more important than having somewhere for your children to go when they have a problem.
Reflecting on the surprising donations behind the scenes, Avant said simply: “This is Jackie.” A little angel whispering from her mother.
Changemaker Award winner Sharon Stone (second from left) and presenter Nicole Avant (right) pose with Angela Nazarian and Lily Buss from Women of Vision.
Araya Doheny/Getty Images For Visionary Women